For The Glory of God

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Cor. 12:9

God has been doing a work in me. And he is teaching me to share for the glory of God.

Two years ago we lost our fourth baby to miscarriage. After this experience I was so utterly heart broken and once again found myself at a completely broken place. Heart broken does not describe what a person goes through when they have infertility problems to begin with, and then find out that they are pregnant and then trying to guard their heart but then hearing the nurse practioner ask what names I've thought of, tell me everything is going well (despite what I felt in my heart) and that I should be encouraged because my uterus was growing like it should be and there is nothing to be concerned about, everything was seemingly normal at 8 weeks. At 6 1/2 weeks I had seen & heard the baby's heart beat. I had been told that everything looked great. Then 8 weeks at the doctor being asked what you're going to name the baby (to this point I hadn't let myself go there)... then going home getting excited, thinking yes this is really happening! Maybe there isn't anything wrong. Then waiting until 12 weeks and an ultrasound to realize that the baby that you were expecting to nurture, love, protect, grow in the LORD, see the plan for their lives unfold for their life - was not going to be born on this earth. That baby had been in heaven for a few weeks, had died in your tummy and your body had continued to grow as if the baby hadn't passed away. So there you have it, sorry for the bluntness, but all the hopes, dreams and expectations of this life that you wanted to have the privilege of raising was no longer. Then you have the physical aspect. That is a different story that I will share only if you want to know. Every time we have lost a child it has been hard. The last time was just so horrible. I really was at the bottom of the bottom. In the midst of all this we applied to adopt and were rejected due to medical school loans. I HAD to rely on God. He was all I had. He was all the strength I had. I was running on his strength, his glory, his love every day. I continue to do so. 

God has done a work in my life. The truth is, I cannot live without Him. He is my ALL. He is my EVERYTHING. I honestly ask myself, how on earth do people live on this earth without him? Where do they turn for strength? Where do they turn for direction? God has given me hope in him, strength in him, peace in him. My life is forever changed because He is in my life. Guiding me. Leading me. Loving me and myself loving him. It is a beautiful thing.

God sent his only son, Jesus, to die on the cross to save me for my sins. This is the week that he did that. On Good Friday, he died and on Easter he ROSE AGAIN!! He rose, and we get to have new life in him!!! AWESOME NEWS friends! 

Everyone has hard times that they go through. Will you seek him, turn to him, rely 100% on him when life is hard? That is all that gets me through, lovelies, all that gets me through. I find so much JOY in HIM!! Though my circumstances and longing for a large family have not changed - my heart is forever changed. He has brought me out of the pit and into his loving arms. God gives peace. Comfort. Rest in Him. He can use you, he can use me when we ask him into our lives and surrender. Can you believe it? Can you believe that we get to be used here on earth for his glory and for him? We get to have a holy mission, friends! When we give our lives to him, we get to live with purpose! It is beautiful.

The LORD has taught me in the past few years, even more so how to worship him with my whole heart. 
I can worship authentically, I can lift my hands to him and worship, I can jump up and down, I can sing, sing, sing fully knowing that I am singing to the love of my life, the one who gives me hope in what is to come! He turned my mourning into dancing, removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy just like Psalm 30:11 says! 

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth from me and clothed me with joy. Psalm 30:11

In the midst of so much sadness, I have HOPE and JOY! He has been teaching me to pour out my heart to him through songwriting. The following song was written as an outpouring of my heart to God, written last December. I got a picture of all of creation, dancing and singing for Him. I pictured giraffes dancing in rhythm to a heavenly beat, crickets chirping all together, oceans crashing onto the shore, lions roaring. Wondering what it looks like from God's throne, seeing everything you made dancing and singing in rhythm to a heavenly beat. This is where the line, "All creation singing the chorus of heavenly praises to you" stemmed from. I had been doing a study on Revelation at the time and Revelation 7 was fresh on my mind. Wondering what it would look like to bow before the throne of God, joining heaven's song? I wrote it alone in my room one night - just me and God and my journal, then my husband, Alex, a friend Justin Schaap helped to piece it all together and they are my co-writers! :) So blessed by this. The sound and video quality is poor and unedited but I'm sharing it as a testimony to Jesus! He has done a work! I pray that the Holy Spirit speaks to you as you spend the next three minutes of your time listening. ALL FOR HIM! God Bless.


"Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!" Revelation 7:10


"For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their sheperd, and he will guide them to springs of living water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." Revelation 7:17